I told myself it was time to let go. To let go of the uncertainty, the expectations that were never going to happen, and the self-doubt.
There might be many different ways of looking at this, but I’m making sure I’m making it clear which way this should be looked at. I didn’t do it out of spite, out of anger, nor out of immaturity. It may seem like so, but trust me, I have my reasons. This may make me look like a bitch or perhaps an overreacting snob, but believe me, that is the least of my worries. Perhaps I may have overanalyzed the situation, which I always tend to do but nonetheless, this was indeed a solution to prevent me from doing furthermore of that. And why?
I couldn’t bear my heart dropping every time something pops up unexpectedly, I just didn’t want to feel that way anymore. I told myself I couldn’t keep holding onto something like this, I’ll never move on. I know this may seem selfish but let’s be honest here, we live for ourselves and no one else, and that’s essentially how we got here in the first place. I wanted to erase, or bury, the feelings more discretely because I am the kind of person that must have drastic measures implemented upon me or I’ll never learn. So I guess this was the way to go. I’m not even angry at all that has happened, but more so at myself, for being such a ill-willed loser. And I’ve told myself before that I should never let anyone ever make me feel that way. I mean, I still consider us as friends. Maybe not right now, but sometime in the future, when everything’s better and each of us has completely recovered to our old self. I can see that you perhaps, is also taking the same measures. But I really hope it isn’t out of the pure fact that I commenced first, because that shouldn’t be a reason at all. It should be to ease the process and maybe even speed it up. I honestly never believed in friendship, because I knew it wouldn’t work. And it didn’t. But I believe that in the future, it will, and this is my first step in working towards that future.
So bear with me, while I may cause hurt along the way, it’s only for the better.