Clouded mind

It was a damp afternoon, you’ve told me before these two simple words “never again”, but you didn’t keep your promise. The water droplets splattered upon the ground, upon my shirt. Your eyes looked longingly into mine, you looked down. Ashamed, egregious, disappointed? I looked up, felt the shock from the top of my head down to the tip of my toes, I cringed. I opened my mouth, preparing words of strong implication, nothing. I tried again. Nothing.

You’re more angry now than before, knowing you have defeated me at the highest peak of turning point, I couldn’t hold myself together. I guess I’m still weak towards your demeanour, like I’ve always been. I guess although I have grown up, I still succumb to your pressures, your anguish. As if I had lived vicariously through your distress, I was the scapegoat for your agony. But all that has changed. You should have changed, but you didn’t.

This was the last straw, all those years of pent up anger released, I said some things. You said some more. I said certain heart-wrenching things and then I noticed your weakened gaze, spot on. The more I shouted, the more self-torment I had brought upon. My shirt was drenched by now. How did it come to this, this sorrow among us, we were but a happy bunch in the summer. But that was probably all just a lie, to mask the despair within. I don’t understand why your mind cannot grasp the reality, is it because your absolute stubbornness have clouded even the better of your judgement? Could it be that you don’t want to believe in what’s true anymore, that you’re simply looking for way out now?

Someone once told me that to truly cure inner onuses, you have to constantly remind yourself that you won’t use someone else as an excuse, as a reason for the unhappiness you’ve endured. I know I can accomplish this, but can you? At this point, I had given up, I’ve said all that I could, I’ve done the best I’ve imagined. You stopped talking as well, and went back to tend other tasks. We went our separate ways. The ringing still triggering my tears, the pain still in my heart. And there, in the middle of the living room, lay a puddle where my tears subsided.

Photo 2012-12-18 12 23 57 PM copy

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