A year in reflection (2012)

So I’ve decided to do a post like this after every birthday to basically summarize a compendium of thoughts, experiences, what have I learned, what have I done, what I probably shouldn’t have done, etc… Like a self-reflection/rants (those things that my mom used to tell me to do when I do something wrong). This is a bit overdue since my birthday was a couple of weeks ago but in any case, let’s get this thing rolling.

1. 4 Goals for the new school year
Two other friends and I came up with a few goals to kind of keep our life active and in line for the start of the new school year. I can’t really tell you the goals here but out of the 4, I’ve only managed to achieve one so far. It’s quite hard balancing university life, I’ve found. And even harder to achieve almost unrealistic yet realistic goals. But since this is for the school year, I still have lots of time to go and hopefully achieve at least 3/4 goals. hehe.

2. Family is always first
You may not realize this until you’ve completely left home, not as in you live a few hours away so you can still go home for the weekend. When you’re 5 hours away and the only feasible transportation you can get is the plane, you start to miss home a lot. And family. Mostly because you think of how long you’ve been away and that your little brother is growing up without you there just makes me sad. Also the fact that I don’t get to spend time with my family as much makes me think of all that I’m missing out on, the little things that I would notice when I’m home, etc. It’s quite sad but what can I do? I was never really close to my family but because I’ve been away for so long, I really do want to be with them again, even if it means quarrelling over the tiniest things.

3. Don’t judge so much
OK, for those of you who don’t know me, I tend to judge a bit … just a bit. BUT for my friends, when I tell you I’m judging you, it’s mainly for entertainment purposes, to get a good laugh out of it. But I guess I do it too much and people actually think I judge a lot. HA. Anyways, I’ve learned to give people chances before thinking wrongly of them and it has turned out pretty well so far. I think it’s one of those stupid, prideful things I have to get over of, but eventually, I’ll learn to cope with it.

4. Almost out of hope for guys
Let me explain myself here, I would not throw something this extreme out there for no reason whatsoever. Boys will always be boys, I cannot do anything about that. But for myself, I know that sometimes I don’t like to show interest or emotions but I’m actually somewhat intrigued by your efforts. But that’s also where things go wrong. Guys start to “chase” other girls because they think I’m not showing enough feelings back and basically just starts another chase hoping one of us will respond. Non. If you’re going to do that, then I’d rather you just stop wasting your time with me because in all honesty, it’s going to take a long time for people to earn my trust or gain “inside knowledge”. If you think I’m not worth your whole undivided attention, chances are, you’re not worth my time either. I’m sorry I suck at showing feelings. I think I’ll wait until grad school or maybe when I start working…

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5. Learn a new instrument
Being someone of a certain stereotype yet not knowing how to play a certain instrument is downright sad. So my goal for the year was to take up a new instrument, a ukulele, more specifically a baritone ukulele. For those of you who are not educated with the family of ukuleles, neither was I. It was more of a spontaneous purchase at a music shop in the middle of winter far away from home and I did not want to go back there again for another uke. So I went with the one that sounded the best, and what do you know, it was a baritone. The biggest of the family, essentially a mini guitar with only 4 strings. The sound really appealed to me, and thus began my musical adventure. I’ve managed to learn the chords that are most used in songs and found my way to even playing a few while singing along. I have yet to master the technique of strumming a ukulele because I feel like I have troubles coordinating my strumming along with my singing, so very sad. But I won’t give up because I really enjoy playing it and it soothes me during stressful times. It’s super convenient and I’m glad I took up this instrument!

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6. True friends understand
In all my years of life, I’ve experienced good friends, and not so good ones. But the people I’ve met ever since coming here have been amazing! It’s like a whole group of young, intellectual individuals who are striving for the same things I’m looking for. Not only that, people inspire me here, they make me think a lot, more than my usual thinking escapade. Some of my friends really do get me, or at least remember the little things about me, which I appreciate a lot and I don’t say this often but I love my friends and I hope that these are the people I will call back in the future and spend time catching over a nice cup of coffee or a fancy dinner out on the town! ๐Ÿ™‚

7. Money management skills
As an aspiring fashionista (not really), I like to spend an excessive amount of money on clothes/shoes, really sporadically and really uncontrollably when it comes to sales. After getting a job, cutting off my credit card almost completely, and allotting only a certain amount of money to use every 2 weeks, I have come to a conclusion that I suck at money management. For some reason, I just don’t calculate right or spend too much on eating out. I really need to watch how much I spend per month as well as the amount of income I get from my job. I have yet to figure this out so this will be something that I will write about in my next year’s reflection.

8. Career
After being a science student for another gruesome year, I decided that pursuing medicine is not what I really want to do. I feel that it’s not right for me and if I don’t enjoy it fully, I won’t use my whole effort for it. Although I might not be trying for medicine now, I’m still on the journey to finding a realistic, stable job. Because in the end, you will still have to provide for your family. My mom once said something that made me quite sad, “everyone wants to do what they like, even us, but we couldn’t”. Which made me think of the things that they had to give up to provide for my brother and I. That made me extremely sad, knowing that they, too, had a chance or potentially had a chance to do something they love but instead, chose to give us a good life. I guess that’s something I’ll have to face one day as well.

That ends my long self-reflection but more so rants about stuff I didn’t realize before. Anyways, it’s time for me to goto bed now so have a great day everyone!

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. Your inner voice says:

    Hey stranger, don’t be misguided by what your stereotypes and your Asian clichรฉs have endowed in you. Your parents have given up their dreams in hopes that you might pursuit one day your own. I remeber thay my mom has once told me that she wanted to be a journalist, and yet she studied accountancy and gaven up half of her life for me.

    The point is: you are still young and it is okay to make mistakes. Always search and search, don’t give up until you have found your true passion.

    When I am lost, I go to a bookstore and explore each section’s books. The section that can make me feel that” wow I can read ALL the books here forever and ever and not be bored”. For me, it has always been the same.

    ( everything in your life just clicked in one moment and you have goosebumps all over you. )

    Try it out ๐Ÿ˜‰

    1. Joy says:

      Oh hey stranger, thanks so much for your thoughtful reply, I’d really appreciate it! I shall try what you’ve suggested indeed, since I feel lost pretty much 80% of my life. haha. And thanks a lot for your kind words of encouragement and wisdom, I shall take it along with me in my heart as I move along.

  2. Guest says:

    I like your posts! Enough details and mainly because you speak the truth!

    1. Joy says:

      thank you, that means a lot ๐Ÿ™‚

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